Planning Vacation Memories?

In the April issue of Northern Connection magazine, I started the conversation on Vacation Memories. Vacations are usually such a great time off filled with doing, seeing or even just relaxing. Of course, there are vacations that don’t go according to plan, sometimes the “best laid plans of mice and men” just don’t work out. Have you ever had a vacation go wrong?

I sure have. There was the time that a ticket agent sold me tickets to a sold out train, then there was the time I got separated from the tour and left behind in the middle of Italy and then there was the time my plane was taxiing to the runway and the power went out in my plane and we rolled off into the nearby grass and hedges.

Then, in Dublin on our way to tour the Guinness factory, something happened that is now being known simply as “The Incident”. Here is what happened:

Tom and I were thrilled to be back in Dublin and after a lovely luncheon of fish and chips at Arthur’s Pub on Thomas Court, we headed off to the Guinness Brewery and Gift Shop to run amuck buying souvenirs. When, all of a sudden, sperrrr-plattttt! I feel something hit me. I look down and there on my rather largely endowed bosom was a HUGE pile of excrement. AAAAGGGHHHH! Was I classy? Was I graceful? Of course not! I started screaming like a banshee. I believe I even had the feet going as I ran in place screaming my whole head off.

Tom came running to my aid, saying, “You’re okay, you’re okay.” Meanwhile, two very nice American college girls heard my screams and also came running to my aid. One even had a really cool Tide packet that she gave to Tom that you snap and it starts to foam up with detergent. The girls are trying to calm me down saying sweet things like, “It’s happened to me – you’re not the only one – it could have been worse – one more step forward and it would have been in your hair.”

I’ve stopped screaming but I’m still dithering, “worse…hair…step…hair…”

Fortunately, Tom is also a trained zoologist, so he immediately goes into science mode and starts trying to identify the species based on the excessively large fecal sample still clinging to my bosom as he removes it with the very cool Tide packet, saying, “definitely too large to be pigeon, could be sea gull, might even be pelican – definitely could have been a pelican.”

I’m thinking pterodactyl.

As Tom concludes his oral dissertation on water fowl of eastern Ireland, he has also managed to make me somewhat presentable and suggests that we continue on to the brewery where he’ll buy me a new shirt and everything will be fine.

I’m still dithering, “New…shirt…fine…shirt…”

He looks around and says, “Hey, where’d those girls go?”

They had vanished. I well up, saying, “They were angels, I know it, they were angels.”

Tom says, “Yes they were definitely angels of mercy. Angels who carry some really cool cleaning products.” I’m soooo not in the mood for humor.

We get to the brewery and I spot the girls in front of us in line. I point them out to Tom, “Tom, look it’s my angels.” Tom, ever gallant even in moments of crisis, goes up to the girls and says, “Young ladies, thank you so much for coming to my wife’s aid, I insist that you allow me to pay your entrance fee.” The girls awwwww and protest. But Tom insists. I’ve started dithering again, “Thank…you…wife’s…aid.” I’ve definitely started going round the bend.

Tom gets me to the gift shop, he buys me the first shirt we see and I head off to the ladies. I’m in there a loooong time. When I finally emerge, Tom has bought at least one of everything so we head up to the gravity bar where I have a pint to prevent my going any further into shock. After a while, I start to come around and so we head out and get a carriage over to the distillery. Tom has the driver take our picture where Tom puts his arms around me to send the message to my mother, “It’s okay, I’ve got her, she’ll be alright.”

And off we go…clippety clop— it’s time to remember I’m having the time of my life...

 

 

I hope you like the story of “The Incident”. Do you have a vacation memory you would like to share? Post them in the comment section below.